The power of words, stories and emotions..novel
July 28, 2009
[ramble]stories are power, words are power, the power to change oneself, its emotions, all the power in the world lying within those emotions, swinging one way then the next to a burgeoning of those emotions..hate, greed, malice, righteous anger and the power to slaughter or the power of life: love happiness, good, the chance to change, begin anew, and so find yourself free of former tethers and that which would bind and chain.
Culmination of abuse, sick physical and sexual.
He was playing with the discarded lumps of wax he collected from the trash heap bellow the back wall of the main house..He could mould faces from the pieces and build entire families like the families down in the village, where boys and girls his age worked alongside their parents and when not working played in the woods and were always laughing.
This was where his brother found him. His brother with the sad face so unlike the wax ones he liked to make. He arrived carrying a coil of rope, and stood just inside the jammed-wide doors all overgrown.
Beak, who had a boring name back then, saw in his brother’s face a sudden distress, which then drained away and a faint smile took its place which was a relief since Beak always hated it when his brother went off somewhere to cry. Older brothers should never do that and if he was older, why, he’d never do that.
His brother then walked towards him, and still half smiling he said, ‘I need you to leave little one. Take your toys and leave here.’
Beak stared with wide eyes. His brother never asked such things of him. His brother had always shared this barn. ‘Don’t you want to play with me?’
‘Not now,’ his brother replied, and Beak saw that his hands were trembling which meant there’d been trouble back at the estate. Trouble with mother.
‘Playing will make you feel better,’ Beak said.
‘I know. But not now.’
‘Later?’ Beak began collecting his wax villagers.
‘We’ll see.’
There were decisions that did not seem like decisions. And choices could just fall into place when nobody was really looking and that was how things were in childhood just as they were for adults. Wax villagers cradled in his arms, Beak set off, out the front and into the sunlight. Summer days were always wonderful – the sun was hot enough to make the villagers weep with joy…
Decisions and choices, falling.
What was it he had wanted to ask? There was no memory of that. The memory of that was gone, melted down into nothing, It had been a very hot day.
Reaching the entrance he saw his brother — who had been sitting with legs dangling from the loft’s edge — slide over to drop onto the floor. But he didn’t drop all the way. The rope round his neck caught him instead
And then, his face turning dark as his eyes bulged and his tongue pushed out, his brother danced in the air, kicking through the shafts of dusky sunlight.
Beak ran up to him — the game his brother had been playing with the rope had gone all wrong, and now his brother was choking. He threw his arms about his brother’s kicking legs and tried with all his might to hold him up.
And there he stood, and perhaps he was screaming, but perhaps he wasn’t, because this was an abandoned place, too far away from anyone who might help.
His brother tried to kick him away. His brother’s fists punched down on the top of Beak’s head, hard enough to hurt but not so much since those hands couldn’t but barely reach him, short as he was being still younger than his brother. So he just held on.
Fire awoke in the muscles of his arms. In his shoulders. His neck. HIs legs shook beneath him, because he needed to stand on his toes — if he tried to move his arms further down to well below his brother’s knees, then his brother simply bent those knees and started choking again.
Fire everywhere, fire right through Beak’s body.
His legs were failing. HIs arms were failing. And as they failed his brother choked. Pee ran down to burn against Beak’s wrists and his face. The air was suddenly thick with worse smells and his brother never did things like this — all this mess, the terrible mistake with the rope.
Beak could not hold on, and this was the problem with being a younger brother, with being as he was. And the kicking finally stilled, the muscles of his brother’s legs becoming soft, loose. Two fingertips from one of his brother’s hands lightly brushed Beak’s hair, but they only moved when Beak himself moved, so those fingers were as still as the legs.
It was good that his brother wasn’t fighting any more. He must have loosened the rope from round his neck and was now just resting. And that was good because Beak was now on his knees, arms wrapped tight about his brother’s feet.
And there he stayed.
Until, three bells after dusk, one of the stable hands from the search party came into the barn with a lantern"
Then, a sacrifice for those whom he cared.
…he felt in himself a cleansing, a scouring away, what priests called purification, only they really knew nothing about purification because it had nothing to do with offerings of blood or coin and nothing to do with starving yourself and whipping your own back or endlessly chanting until the brain goes numb. Nothing like any of that. Purification, Beak now understood was final.
Beak was driven down by the immense weight, the horrible hunger. Yet he would not retreat…Survival, he realized, could only be found through purity. Of his love for them all — how so many of them had smiled at him, laughed with him. How hands clapped him on the shoulder and even, now and then, tousled his hair.
Arms wrapped tight, even as the fire began to burn the muscles of his arms. His shoulders and neck. His legs.
He could hold on, now, until they found him.
Those fires were so hot, now, burning – but there was no pain. Pain had been scoured away, cleansed away. Oh, the weight was vast, getting heavier still, but he would not leg go. Not of his brothers and his sisters, the ones he so loved. My friends.
In horror Faradan Sort found herself staring at a collapsed jumble of ashes and scorched bone. But no, there was a pattern in with that, a configuration, if she could but focus through her tears. Oh. The bones of the arms seemed to be hugging the knees, the crumpled skull settled on them. The bones of the arms seemed to be hugging the knees, the crumpled skull settled on them.
Like a child hiding in a closet, a child seeking to make himself small, so mall..
Beak. God’s below … Beak.
Meeting with this sacrifice this world’s underworld, an afterlife.
The hand gripping his arm was skeletal, the skin a strange huge of green. The figure, very tall, was hooded and wearing black rags. It seemed to be studying the gate.
‘Is that where I’m supposed to go, now?" Beak asked.
‘Yes.’
‘All right. Are you coming with me?
‘No.’
‘All right. Well, will you let go of my arm, then?’
The hand fell away. ‘It is not common,’ the figure then said.
‘What?’
‘That I attend to … to arrivals. In person.’
‘My name is Beak.’
‘Yes.’
‘What’s through there?’
‘You brother waits for you, Beak. He has been waiting a long time.’
‘Beak smiled and stepped forward, all at once in a great hurry — the silver light within that gate was beautiful, reminding him of something.
The strangers voice brought him round: ‘Beak.’
‘Yes?’
‘Your brother. He will not know you. Yet. Do you understand?’
Beak nodded…
‘My brother,’ Beak said, his smile broadening. ‘I’m taller now. Stronger. I can save him, can’t I?’
A long pause, and then the figure said, ‘Yes, Beak, you can save him.’
Yes, that made sense. He set out again. With sure strides to the gate, into that silver glow, to emerge on the other side in a glade beside a trickling stream. And kneeling near the bank. His brother. The same as he remembered. On the ground on all sides were hundreds of small wax figures. Smiling faces, an entire village, maybe even a whole town.
Beak walked up to his brother.
Who said, too shy to look up, ‘I made all of these, for him.’
‘They’re beautiful,’ Beak said, and he found tears running down his face, which embarrassed him so he wiped them away. Then asked, ‘Can I play with you?’
His brother hesitated, scanning all the figure, then he nodded. ‘All right.’
The words of Steven Erikson, though I am even on a reread, do indeed afflict me with awe. With sad emotions, powerful imagery and a study in pain, solitude and salvation.
Then a lovely poem to cap off the rough chapter.
I have seen the face of sorrow
She looks away in the distance
Across all these bridges
From whence I came
And those spans, trussed and ached
Hold up our lives as we go back again
To how we thought then
To how we through we thought then
I have seen sorrow’s face,
But she is ever turned away
And her words leave me blind
Her eyes make me mute
I do not understand what she says to me
I do not know if to obey
Or attempt a flood of tears
I have seen her face
She does not speak
She does not weep
She does not know me
For I am but a stone fitted in place
On the bridge where she walks
Life as smoke within glass..
July 20, 2009
Love and shadow,
All through, what we,
Have known.
Life can be smoke and glass, shifting turning and flitting, seemingly free, yet constrained at heart. Stuck in a prison fishbowl of observation…or is it
For, the only thing that is truly encapsulated is man made. Man made is the prison we set for ourselves, our own limitations are just that, limitations which may or may not have any sort of relevance on our true potential. Nature, like the bottle I am staring at has leaks, sealing in the hookah.
Ahh lovely hookah, middle-eastern originated tobacco, heated through charcoal cooking, not burning (else a nice cough or two till you adjust the amount of heat), relaxing, pulling, unlike smoking cigarettes:
Anonymous quote from http://www.theshisha.com :
Smoking shisha is nothing like smoking a cigarette. Cigarettes are for nervous people, competitive people, people on the run. When you smoke shisha, you have time to think. It teaches you patience and tolerance, and gives you an appreciation of good company. Shisha smokers have a much more balanced approach to life than cigarette smokers.?
Thus with life, you blow out the smoke….its Smoke, the containment within the bottle, it’s a self-restricting concept once again formulated through constructs.
(rambles!) Love and shadow..bleed through, the murk..for what we need most. When you lose yourself, you find yourself through pinpoints of light, flitters in shadow and dark..for positive. Back to basics, clearing the mind..as manual labor, as yoga, as anything which forces the concentration of senses completely ON oneself, as in the power of thinking within the moment.
Always hitting bumps in the road, more like galleys and boulders and mountains of insurmountable girth..yet, looked back on when one struggles and forces his/her way through..smashing those limitations, but always be aware of future limitations placed on oneself.
Strange when we feel the most at peace, we find another, the same, the person, similar values regardless of culture, background or others…threads of life.
Then we find the true struggle has, and always will be against yourself. How do you kill that which is the worst in ourselves? Keep on fighting.
(rambling deux!)And I will cloud myself in smoke to the tower of mine destruction, self made, self sought, and self purported. “I will end this all, SMASH these barriers!” Goes through the mans mind. Still a man, but feels a cripple. A Crutch is a terrible thing. A crutch is a terrible thing.
Buddhist temple prayer incense from Saigon, Vietnam, 2009.
I have never subscribed to the FLAWED notion that without religion Moral’s or "good" does not exist. Without religion, their would be No morals. Without “guidance” this or that person is an immoral person. Rubbish.
What close minded drivel typically expounded by those who have never had the pleasure to interact with numerous cultures, classes and personality types of varying peoples. Realistically in many many interactions of people of all races, status’, religious, atheistic, agnostic or whateverelseitmaybe background, the truth of the matter is:
No matter where you go, you will find Assholes everywhere
No matter where you go, you will find Good people everywhere
No matter where you go, you will find Extremists everywhere, taking some philosophical, religious, political or whatever viewpoint to an unhealthy level
No matter the faith, lack thereof, class, wealth status, race, gender, age, you will find very very loving and selfless people, in contrast with bitter, angry or sociopathic compadres. Its just the World.
The purpose of life is fulfillment, in a positive way, which has nothing, or everything to do with ones religious leaning depending on that individual person.
That could be the full gamut range of dedicating yourself to your religion as a priest, monk or whatnot, or being a complete atheist.
Atheist != nihilist.
On the "good" / moral…there is inherent evolutionary, or less controversially, recognized natural reactions to certain things: such as positive reactions (in the sense of attempting to ’solve’) to a crying baby, protection of ones children, and the natural inclination of human being to REQUIRE contact with others, groups, friends, family, relationships.
Its no surprise solitary confinement inmates begin to go insane or develop personality disorders (moreso then whether they had clinical labels before) after years and years.
Those few things above (which is not all-inclusive by any means) could be looked at as "morals."
Altruism is hotly debated amongst psychologists and anthropologists as far as it being selfish vs non selfish.
When you help someone, you could always potentially have an ulterior motive, but, a truly altruistic act (which does occur in humans) is completely at odds with the notion of "survival of the fittest."
Eckhart Tolle,
July 14, 2009
Eckhart Tolle recorded from Seattle
"life always gives you what you need"
"life is the teacher. Its fine, life will teach. One way or another."
How true is this assertion? Anyone who has lived a diverse life, whether positive or negative can recognize the truth in these statements. I have honestly avoided Eckhart Tolle only because of his blossoming popularity, which rose in tandem to the “Secret” themed “guru’s” who have Exploded across the US and the world. I am somewhat wrong in this respect though (and have not read the Secret, but it runs along the same themes of “The Science of Getting Rich” and “Think and Grow Rich”). I have only a singular problem with the “Secret” themes that have begun, namely people hopping on the bandwagon selling $8,000 programs in a MLM format as a “life coach,” thoroughly ripping off most people who sign up with such programs..
Onward.
I note how simple, yet powerful the statement portends when Eckhart speaks regarding having a “relationship” with oneself. Whether lovingly or hating, which he cites is always negative, since it points to a “schizophrenic” mind. However, negative and positive self-affirmations hold much weight in therapy, personal growth (or destruction), so this becomes interesting to think on, whether you can exist Without a personal relationship.
"There is always something missing in my life? Why is that for gods sake?"
"So Not being able to go beyond the mentally, the mind made story of me, being trapped in that. Its like carrying in your head a little entity, a little man or woman "RI RIR RIIIR IRIRIRIR, ERR" its been there for so long, its who you think you are HRU HRUR RUHRUUH.” Hilarious! Speaking to oneself can definitely range on border of absurd.
During a previous blog post in Vietnam, without any chemical inducement, I found myself in the most peaceful of moments hanging out on the rooftop just experiencing the sounds, sight and textures of the world around me..all during a noisy session of (sorta) big city.
Talking to oneself…
A relationship with oneself leads to unhappiness..perhaps when I found this peace and quiet, with really no thinking, just a lovely enjoyable moment with myself and the world…which effected this beauty.
Strange.
"Bold ego, its all mind made self…I am so unhappy, I am poor and hate my life, I am poor and am more spiritual”
Talking about adjusting your perspective to your situation…trying to identify with your life / surrounding to reconcile your situation with your "thinking mind"
Now speaking about whether you wuold like to be a happy cow or a sad human 
It doesn’t have a self image. Every animal is one with itself. It does not have a relationship with itself, which is the beginning of unhappiness….only humans have a relationship with themselves, what does that mean? Here is me, and here’s the image of me..weird..very weird…I hate myself.”
Ask the cat, do you hate yourself? WHAT?..Its insane, it can’t do that, a cat IS itself. Himself, herself. Anything natural has that integrity and that oneness of being, it hasn’t developed a schizophrenic existence.
Its the ego, that’s the schizophrenic the mind made self..here’s me and here’s myself…and so if you hate yourself, and eventually you get you..better teachings, new age teachings, oh no i must love myself, then you put a notice on the bathroom mirror. To remind you. "I LOVE myself." [hahah] Now. Now, you are a little bit closer, a LITTLE bit better then hating yourself. Quite a bit better, but you still have a REALTIONSHIP with yourself.
The next step is merging with the myself, and the I, merge, and you simply Are yourself. You don’t love yourself, you don’t hate yourself, I am the consciousness I am the awareness of this moment, I am this place, the awareness, and, there is no split in their anymore.
Its always true our own best friend and worst enemy is ourselves. Fear of success, of failure, “hyping” yourself up for something, etc. It all comes down to your own emotions and especially your perspective. Perspectives really run the world, wherein even the most evil of persons attempting some act to perpetrate on others many times believes “this is for the best” whether that’s some crap of “greater good” or “for their own good” or whatever.
Only very minimally in the Eckhart’s teachings / philosophy, and so far I can whole heartedly agree with much of what he is saying. I am unconvinced that the Ego itself (which I would argue is more our Super Ego, perhaps dependent on the Freudian school / period you are subscribing too) is the “root of all evil” as Eckhart states.
Couldn’t our self-thought / affirmations (which he teases people for, having a relationship with yourself is “bad” regardless of it being positive or negative) are the potential for our own growth and expansion of ourselves, fulfilling our lives?
Just being at “one” with yourself could in effect cause a massive amount of pain to ourselves and others if we are some sort of destructive, or morally light person. Meaning, that “little voice” in our head can be destructive, like negative personal statements, or act as our moral compass pointing us away from negative actions. I believe everyone has an innate sense of right and wrong, and who knows whether that innate ability would merge completely with ourselves to just act without thought (though I am unsure where Eckhart stands on just thinking in general).
Meaning (again), that were we are merged completely with ourselves
Without any sort of personal “relationship” within our own spirit, would we be limited by our conscious?
Interesting notion, as I am thinking in advance that Eckhart would advocate a new awareness of zero relationship / ego with oneself, where one Exists. Does that mean a state of stasis and nirvana? With no forward (or backward) progression? It could be the endgame of a fulfilling life, but what if that life is not where you want it to go?
This, all on just a bit of Eckhart, so more to follow more then likely
Le Hippie de Compounde
June 14, 2009
Hippie compound!
One of my friends parent’s have built a beautiful retreat out in the middle of nowhere…literally. Nevada is actually quite beautiful, and I had in my mind some rough-in it desert stuff, maybe I should bring my Vietnamese Pajama’s.
Saw the funniest sign on a dead-town (up for sale $1m), hand painted, with downed tree’s to block the inroads to the..three buildings I believe: gas station, small church and one other.
Sign: “No service
No Gas
No Food
No Water
No Jobs
loll
On the way, we were picking up some booze, had the first “impulse buy” of a keg (credited to Greg) which had a funny stream of thought:
”Those Heneiken mini-kegs are pretty good”
”I wonder if they have kegs here”
”That would be cool”
”You got kegs?”
etc…
Picked up some NASTY (though it looked good) stuff from Amsterdam in the pseudo-Absinthe section of the liquor store for good measure.
View from the porch..manoman
I just got back from Vietnam, dealing with jet lag and my awful food poisoning, and got right back into a nice, relaxing place. This is another amazing place, which I would love to build / purchase at some point in my life.
Two places to cruise around upon early retirement: Vietnam downtown, countryside, and northern Nevada. This land out here is available in 40 acre increments for as little as $5,000 sometimes. Land only, there are no utilities, piping, anything, so everything is carted in, or in some cases like water, collected minimally from the rain (but it doesn’t rain much out here).
Started raining, it was absolutely stunning..mainly light, never got heavy
Wood fired stove
Pizzza
We began the drinking of the lovely high-point beer (as compared to 4% by volume Utah drinks), and had some jello shots. Also had some of that NASTY ass green bottled crap (no picture, but just be weary of “experimenting” with weird liquors).
I had to be dragged out here, almost “Sally’d” out (word usage; don’t be a sally, etc.), and was glad to be here..just had ZERO sleep, nor on the ~3 hour trip up.
Some kids (30’s ish) from New York are some of the neighbors, whom are starting to build their own little area. They were very cool, and hilarious, they bought the land online without even seeing any pictures or whatnot, lol. Talk about adventure…
I was looking forward to dinner, which, I have no idea what it was, as I got increeedibly drunk, and subsequently nearly sick-puking by 7pm. The pizza from the wood fired oven was good, though doughy, as the dad said the oven didn’t cook even. It was that damn ol green drink.
Passed out at 7:00 PM after conversing with the NY guys for like an hour…starting cussing like a sailor apparently, and BOOM! Crashed, haha.
Shawn’s folks are very nice however, as when I woke back up at 3;00 AM, I had 3 bottles of water and a flashlight in mah littletee.
Then finished off that awful drink, passing the bottle around a fire, drinking more beers till 5:30 AM.
Some of the other folks (the gals in the other tour video) had to take off for work, so I heard them drive off at 6:00 AM
Had breakfast with the New York guys, which was a dutch-oven style potato / egg deal, which was fantastic.
I also apparently missed out on a 3-5 second giant shooting star while I was passed out…gotta chill on the mixing liquor and other shit
Later, we were shooting a paintball off of a can with a pellet gun, played horse shoes and had a good time.
That was mine, I believe I hit it twice..shoulda kept up with guns, as I was decent with the silly scouts when I was young plinking with .22’s.
Greg got one as well
After we left, decided to hit up a noname town (can’t recall) dive bar…lol. Had a shot of Deiker, or something whiskey, solely because of a very old advertisement on the wall, had a beer and took off.
Then decided to hit up the Casino, all SORTS of excited for craps..which, we all got entirely and thoroughly CRUSHED.
It was a short weekend, 24 hour period of whims and just impulse-everything:
Off to the…community? Compound? The folks place in NV I guess…
Get a Keg
Go to a bar
Gamble
home.
Goooood times, its what life is made of, and it was back to the stress of everyday life.
Holy crap done with the Vietnam vids / pics: Index
June 11, 2009
May need to buy Vegas Movie Editor or something, Windows Movie Maker is incredibly slow, mainly due to the fact that it takes ~30 minutes to publish a youtubeish video (10 min), and sucks up the program.
I’d have to check whether in Vegas (or some other program) you can publish, and keep editing more video’s…
Need to also compile a giant DVD, replete with scenes, more pics (not included on this blog) and Truc’s vids and pic’s, which she has some great ones as well.
Cheers! Next blog is an adventure weekend to northern Nevada in the middle of nowhere, where a friends parents have built ~8 structures for a retirement area, beautiful.
Edited: Noticed that it was probably a pain to actually read through the whole thing, with a trip etc. it would be more worthwhile to post backwards, so it flows in sequence..added URL links to all the posts to follow one after another, and below…la Index.
Downtown travels:
Plane, Arrival, House Tour in downtown Saigon (Ho Chi Minh), Drinking with the extended family, Durian!
Hookah Lounge in Saigon, Rooftop drinking and Half-hatched Duckling Eggs.
The beach Vung Tura! Sun burns, awesome crab lunch.
Country Side travels:
Off to the Countryside, Walk over, tons of scenery, Home tour of numerous rich and poor homes, more drinkin, Boat ride.
More Downtown:
Return from the countryside, Viet Massage, Cab adventure; traffic mess, shopping.
12 DENTIST! Food poisoned, last days…
June 11, 2009
5/20/09 damn the dentist
Some fruit later on..
Man am I sick…thanks 4000 Heinekens…and weird food.
Well, weird / whatever food..we cruised back to the Hawaiin shop over yonder last night (its just a walk down the street) and it was the exact same crew, lol. Most of them are visiting from all over the world, a dude (who speaks a bit of English, older) from San Jose CA and his 91 year old dad (nice!), a bigger triad looking guy who know lives in Germany etc.
Same weird (heavy but tasty) steak cooked in a Hennessy sauce…note that my guts still aren’t feeling good with the massive amount of ginger-hot pot crap I had to force down my gullet. GAHHH. No more, they over cook, they can throw it away, my guts aren’t adjusting well to purely asian cuisine 3x a day.
Were already 5x beers in from the pool hall, but bring ON the dentist. I’m rocking my new “100% silk sir!” shirt, which cost $12, and I still got ripped off, kicking it, I learned two more cheers “OH GOD _something_!” and “RUN GO EXCELLENT” but I forget these things the moment I learn them..doesn’t have any sort of “stickiness” to me.
THE FUCKING DENTIST
This fucker shows up already hammered and they plop him down next to Sammie. Oh SHIT BALLS. I don’t wanna get back into chugging to “zero,” finishing that sucker off, but you know…I did it 3x, on top of probably 10x more beers (can’t tell, but they had a giant tote filled with beer empties, which is how they do the bill).
Funny side note: during pool a friend of the uncle shows up (who is way taniuchi’d out, bright red and wasted by the time were only an hour into the drinking at the restaurant), some other dude who..works for him? Hands him like $600 USD equivalent in stacks of 100.000 bills…wtf baller? Sammie’s new husband…I gladly divorce her in Vietnam, muahahha. The kid then keeps another half stack…
This dude (the friend of the uncle) then hands half of that stack to the triad looking fucker when we get to the restaurant..maybe I’m not too far off?
YET I DIGRESS!
THE FUCKING DENTIST! Plowed, trying to force nasty ass chicken wings (with the rubberized skin many Vietnamese like, but I’m literally bloated with food and beer), while we already had some not too good spaghetti, dry chicken breasts, hashbrowns and fries…lolz.
Drunk heavy frat boy dude shows up as well (the guy who tried chugging in the video and sprays beer all over himself) with dumplings, so we gotta try that as well. Guys fun as hell though, very cool.
The guy with his dad from San Jose snowboards, so we’ll swap numbers if he’s visiting park city (I guess every year), could be a good contact to make. Wants to take us all out for coffee, Sammie’s not too keen, but you gotta network and its just good to meet / know people.
Dentist sneezes into Sammie’s beer, I’m smoking like a chimney to help my guts move a bit, its an all around shit show. He drives home drunk on his little scooter, which, its probably REALLY hard to tell whether someone’s drunk on a scooter here, they all drive like they are invincible liquid-courage up warriors anyway.
He refused to catch up to our beers, yelling NOOOOOOOOOOOO, haha, the fucking dentist. We were saying that all night. He had some bling on (clothes are less an indicator over here then their bling), so that’s Sammie’s new husband #2.
I bequeath this princess to her two new hubbies, those poor suckers
Ahhhh almost forgot, as soon as I sit down..what do I do, lean back and POP, a wood rivet gets loose, people look over, and I POINT to the fucking table like I kicked it, I said to Sammie “Don’t say a damn word, I just popped another fucking chair HAHAHAH.”
Started the mood off right.
5/21/09
Now I’m just sitting around trying to find places where my stomach doesn’t destroy itself…feel awful.
Were waiting for the uncle to wake up and will be grabbing food, gotta get the shopping done too:
Painted tile, exchange a small shirt I bought, grab like 4x of the crazy snake / scorpion liquors for gifts.
Well, its now been seven hours…roughly. My stomach was cramping for the first 5 about every 2-8 seconds. Its now lessened to ~every 15-30 minutes. Much better improved, its almost 3:00 PM, I still feel like shit moving around or doing anything, so I’ve been in the room mainly lounging all day…lounging, tired, reading The Brothers Karamazov, watching the Sopranos on my CPU, but mainly just trying to keep my mind off my stupid intestines.
FUCKING DENTIST!
Had some rice gruel in the morning, just sick as a DOG…the uncle thinks it may have been bad water in the beer (ice cubes) from last night, not necessarily the food, as I found out later a LOT of the guys got sick, just not as much as me. Since I was sick for days and days, it also leads me to believe it was water-based poison..ahhhg. Gotta be careful. Hence why the auntie likes to eat almost exclusively at home since you can control the “hygiene” of the grub.
Also introduced Vietnam to blackened toast: the charcoal absorbed crud in your stomach, similar to an OD patient in a ER (what they force into the stomach), I was burning the French bread over the propane burner till it was black. Not really helping, and the family just thinks I’m crazy lol.
At least I’m walking around now..I really was literally sitting rolling around on the floor for almost seven hours, stabbing pain just debilitated me, didn’t want to read, didn’t want to watch too much computer-tv, etc. AHG.
Had a great lunch though, after my stomach gets so bad, I realized I can’t really hurt it much anymore, and this was a dish I wanted to try. Influenced via the French rebuilding / occupation, a heavy crepe style batter (though much crunchier, and with a taste completely unlike a crepe), more similar to Japanese okonomiyaki, with pork and shrimp in it..absolutely brilliant.
Like many hangovers and the like, your body can crave heavy greasy food, so I stuffed it down to at least get something in me…actually, I might be a day off.
I AM! I actually ate pretty much NO food all day the 20th, its now the 21st…I believe, and I forced myself to eat more.
We were supposed to get plowed tonight: crack that “expensive” bottle of Sake, as the older uncle (the countryside house) was coming down specifically to get wasted, and maybe like some hangovers, a HALF beer (only half) would help, but Ima just wait this out for the time being (hence the not doing anything tonight, nor eating, we were also gonna go out on the town, so I missed the last few days of seeing the nightlife..disappointing )
Since I was in the restroom throughout the day
Gonna go to the grocery store in a minute to find some Tums and nail clippers (weird how I lost them on the trip over), some snacks and protein bars for the plane. Don’t really want to share toenail clippers with 20 people
…
Ahhhhhhh sick, can’t go to a grocery store (like pulling teeth to actually go out against the schedule of anyone at the house), get there, theres no pharmacy section. Drive to two more pharmacy locations, randomly closed, finally get there, Tum’;s are fucking unheardof. I note that just 1-2 mega multinationals seem to have a monopoly or (duh) an oligopoly with each other in any singular mass-producing market: Aquafina and Nestle (for bottled water, only two brands, Nestle is under a Vietnamese name), Maalox (this is garbage stuff) just boiled my guts (actually just kept it neutral, just didn’t do anything).
Ahhh.
Lets drink or something, they still think toast is weird.
I point to the blackened point:BLACK! GOOD
Nogood!
GOOD
Nogood!
Etc as it goes…lol.
Watched Anthony Bourdain’s Vietnam trip on youtube, its impossible to disagree with him: the culture, people, beauty all sucks you in, I will be returning with some command of the language, since all I can say right now is: 123 GOOO, excellent and hello, lol.
Sammie’s just rolling around trying to get comfy:
My stomach was feeling better, as we took off to the grocery store, which had no pharmacy section, another quirk of a different country, they are all stand-alone pharmacy shops, of which two were closed..so we had some more scooter adventures
Went to the night market, stomach’s getting a bit better (downed 4-8 or so Maalox from one of the pharmacies), but its still a nasty wreck…my strange cramps (feels like someones hitting me in the gut with a nice hook) has decreased to once every few hours, rather then every ten minutes like the first seven or so hours..ahhg.
The night market is great, and is the “famous” one highlighted by Bourdain..interesting how, though a “large” city in Vietnam, it only spans a block or so.
Knockoff clothing, Whammer is happy
Hung out after shopping at the day market at this little cafe
I enjoyed the tables and decor, were in the tourist area now, so there were a number of Japanese and European patron’s hanging out, also waiting the hour or so for the night market.
Durian
I heard about these, where you can pick any material off the rack and have a custom tailor made suit..I wish I had a bit more cash on me, would have been great to get some nice suits.
5/22/09
On the plane now
China air is much better, I have had 3x full rock glasses (plastic) of scotch for free.
My guts are still railing, but lordy, my thinking last night with the final night in Vietnam (since the second night from my leaving was spent entirely writhing on the floor like a shot dog) was that my guts can’t get any worse…I saw no way that I could get even more sick, so lets eat / drink our minds out.
It was great:
Step 1) Teach Vietnam how to Sake Bomb after walking the famous night market (I’m getting stomach punches every 2 hours now, not 10 minutes thankfully)
Pic’s / vid will show my lines of “toast” which they faithfully prepared me to help me with step 2)
Tequila
3) some old ass Cognac…ahhhg, wtf asians? They love to party and don’t mind mixing the booze.
TOAST!
AHHHG Cuervo…
I am wasted…
Were onto the Cognac…
Poor cousin began puking all over..
Family tucked me in, plowed…
Next morning, the goodbye’s to the aunti and the grandma
11 4-star Dim Sum..Ahhh
June 6, 2009
5/19/09 Dim Sum
Eggs in the morning, holy fucking hung over. First time I ever “slept in” (8 AM, hah) late.
When we were bumming around, suddenly while I was about to upload pic’s to facebook, Sammie goes LETS GO! Huh?
Dim sum apparently with the uncle..nothings really ever planned, its funny and silly depending on the day.
I keep telling Sammie to stop picking at her skin that’s peeling..
Excellent Dim Sum, I spent 495.000, which was ~$28, my treat to the little cousin, Uncle and Sammie. Excellent thick and rich Jasmine tea.
Everything there was ~1/2 off of normal Dim Sum, but we were in a beautiful white-table cloth place overlooking the city. Air conditioned (thank the lord), plates were changed out every so often, and the Dim Sum (like everything in Vietnam) is very fresh.
The lunch hotpot was great…very heavy (too much almost) Ginger sauce, with raw meats of slivers of steak which just melted in your mouth after 20-30seconds in the pot (More like a large hot-plate). Had octopus (the only time I’ve EVER enjoyed octopus was here in Vietnam) and squid. Man I need to lay off the shell-fish…
I am also FAILING epically at rolling egg rolls….they are really Rice rolls, with rice paper which you first dip into water, place veggies / pineapple (lovely, then meat a bit of noodles, wrap and go.
I got only a SINGLE roll, I was a mess
Sammie forced me “as the guest” to finish off all that foot, ACHHHHH talk bout hurt guts, it was all that Ginger and shellfish..but I wasn’t doing to hot for an hour or two.
Now uploading pictures and shit..good times.
Tried to download wordpress.org, the MySQL / higher techie shit to run wordpress offline, so I could compile these. I realized belatedly, after some fun tweaking and installation, that this is only for HOSTED web-blogs (like domain.com, vs domain.wordpress.com), so it was worthless.
Still need to figure out if I’m going to include my 1) currency war, 2) hookah 3) xlrambling all rolled into one.
Hookah needs a separate website, as the content will be SEO / SEM orientated (ala weekly / daily articles, downloadable PDF’s, cross-industry links, affiliate partners etc), which may just deluge this own blog..yes, this blog should be my trips, rambling and philosophical debates
Going to get beer…Here’s a conversation with my partner in crime…
Off to get beer, stop picking your face Sammie!
IM UGLY
You only notice it when you hold your hand over it
NO IM GROSS IM PEALING
Beauty isn’t measured in the 2” circle on your damn forehead, unless your Tyra Bank’s with her huge real estate….
NO IM NOT GOING
Well I’m not buying beer, fuck it.
FINE ILL GO
….and so it goes…hahaha
We both got murdered again by bugs, Sammie moreso..since my blood is unpalatable (healthy I SAY!), I typically just use the bug spray AROUND my bed / the entrances (of which have a 1/3” space between the outside and my interior domain anyway)…so I’ve been decent.
18 bites on my left foot, from the left, through the right
Looks like she’s a damn plague carrier! (“Fuck you” she says in retort )
Bummed around with the dog, had some ciggie’s…etc.
333 Beer, 555 Ciggies
Damn dog only let me pet him twice “Lem,” Otherwise insecure and snappy (gets lightly smacked around randomly..no wonder the dog gets confused)
GOT MAH DAMN PAJAMA’S! Silk type material, but it really felt “hot.” Maybe because it was made kinda tight (though custom), and the shirt is incredibly feminine, so unlike my previous plan of wearing it all over town (yes, I would), i’ll need to buy a different shirt which doesn’t look (EXACTLY) like the women’s over here Nice of them to do so as well, $10 ftw.
Pool!
7-2-2. P-S-J.
I finally starting shooting good, and just got mauled by the uncle, he was 7, Sammie 2, me 2. Though I was zero for a while. I really didn’t care to play pool really, I can do that in the US, and I had been doing nothing all day anyway..but it was a good time. Watching the uncle yelling at the pool girls to re-rack the sucker…that’s a nice little perk, no racking.
But, it doesn’t help the *RACK IT BITCH” tradition me and whammer have, fuck it.
Stop picking your face Sammie..
After that we…
5/18/09
Woke at 6AM, breakfast of EGGS! Holy shitballs, its SaigonIHop.
It’s the duckling eggs, which I can taste the difference, but at least it’s a nice heavy breakfast. It’s mixed with no meats, but with spices and some odd veggies. First time in weeks for this food.
I’m reminded of the beautiful book Shogun, by James Clavelle, which is a great treatise on old-world Japan, and the culture clash of the Portugese and specifically the English. (methinks I need to look into Adsense…haha)
Anyway, the captain is for about 3 months relegated to Japanese foods: slivers of fish, soup, and veggies. He then gets on a portugese ship with a FEAST laid out for him, including “grob” (beer), and procedes to MAUL himself eating half the table, making himself delirious with booze and food, effectively incapacitating him (which was the point of the feast). Its fucking hilarious, ALMOST how I felt.
Anyway, I’m paying for lunch, I want some damn prawns! So they cruised to the market, and we’ll see how it goes.
I look down, am writing this blog, and I finally got a little contingent of mosquito’s come through and MURDER my right foot, WTF? I got 8 in a 2” circle on the right ankle, and now just noticed FOUR more in other area’s throughout my right foot…probably a spider actually, with how many bites were evident.
I try to sleep with a blanket (light’ish, but just some silk / mosquito net would be even better) to just keep bugs off, but it gets too hot and half-way through the night I just kick it off.
Sammie had two other “babysitters” come by today to say hi, apparently like eight different ladies helped watch her at different times, and ages throughout her years here. I wanna get all those chicks together and take a picture, its funny. “Yeh people thought that I was her child” is how she describes it many times in how people viewed her and one of the things she noted was that everyone seems the same as from 20 years ago “except maybe a few grey hairs.”
I think that’s funny, as it seems to be the case with almost everywhere how neighborhood really only have a 10-20% (who knows, I’ll have Daniel plow the statistics) rate of people who actually move, change, or rise above the neighborhood “norm” good OR bad, that’s not the point.
Now ima translate all the shit I’ve got in a notebook into blog text.
I will be making video’s, playlists, a blog, then a giant DVD incorporating my (already 6-7 gig of video and pictures) own shit, and sammies (she’s only got 100 meg ) and narrating perhaps…this will take time, but shit, I’m unemployed .
…Lunch, nice and huge, I said I would treat / pay for it, but specified prawns: I want some damn big shrimp suckers. So, we had a nice big bowl (really just for me I guess) and tons of crab, nice huge juicy buggers, of whom were still kicking it when they bought them, as well as when they were in the sink
(video is up earlier pre-beach, writing about / compiling your blog weeks after the fact Will screw up your timeline)
10$ for 2 Lbs.
Finished reading the diary type aspect of The Teachings of Don Juan: spirits, peyote etc.
Lost a pair of shorts at the countryside, they can have em $15 at TJ Maxx, $40 Retail when in ‘style’ and $2 in Vietnam probably..lol, probably made in the same place. [Edit, Sammie brought them back in a plastic bag, STILL damp…twin cycles please]
Vietnam WILL be China in the next 20 years, so worlds of opportunity await, whether real estate, infrastructure or even just ANYTHING Western to influence the culture will be a booming market. It IS a very long-term vision, as Vietnam is the CHEAP labor OF China..if that’s an indication of a time line, China is barely opening up to Western corporation (they usually smartly, for their own means that is, require a joint venture or equity stake in the China based operations, for EG, Phillip Morris needs to create a joint venture company in a almost 50/50 partnership with China’s major (state owned) Ciggie producer, AS WELL as market Chinese ciggies in other third-world markets…additionally, a funny tidbit, China raised its “ciggie quota” on government workers (how many packs they need to buy a week), lol..what a mess.
Vietnam just lacks a great infrastructure though, but I really saw in the beach trip how some FDI (foreign direct investment) is being plowed into it; very clean, WIDE (not normal for Saigon / Ho Chi Minh), less crowded, and more westernized then Ho Chi Minh, even downtown.
Laid about on the tile downstairs for a hour or so (kinda comfy, maybe it’ll fix my back, lol) and sand dropped out of my shorts..forgot these were my beach shorts. Good times.
Sammie’s sleeping, so I’m still typing away on this. WordPress download != a program to do the blog offline (as I hoped) but a MySQL database readme instructional for transferring your data..which, I don’t have). So this blog will just be a giant single or 2-4 posts. Who knows, maybe I’ll just keep it as ramblings of myself, and wrap it all into the context of life and philosophy.
So I’ve been writing for four hours…time to go see wtf is going on
…(missing info from notebook)
When we thought we were gonna just sit and drink mah expensive ($25, 425.000) sake, the uncle comes over and says WERE GOIN OUT!
Queue me sweating balls like crazy walking for eight blocks, ending up at some restaurant with “Hawaii” in it.
Inside we find a bunch of the uncles friends, which is coo. I taught them how to chug from cans, and they killed me at it (well, I suck at chugging, not like its gonna change in Vietnam).
The owner was chilling with us (the older man with blond hair, hahaha): he moved to Hawaii “to open up a restaurant for his wife.” Other guy, the dude who spoke English said “how nice to be his wife.”
This was refreshing having someone to converse with in English, at first I thought he was speaking Vietnamese, it caught me off guard haha. “Do you work here?” I almost said “No Vietnamese.” Then realized what it was, and we were jabbering all night.
When we arrived they were in a heated debate (with bets based on chugging a beer as the outcome) on whether or not your could dial emergency services (EG 911) without a SIM card. They used their own phones, then called a few friends in the US and Singapore to test it, hahahah.
I then leaned back and POP, theres goes a chair rivet, muahahha. The owners face was hilarious, he was going to stomp me into mud. But apparently it was ok for a Vietnamese, just not a big dude like me. Though there were some “heavies” hanging out at the table. Lots of interesting guys, the guy who kills me with chugging (“do 100%!”) was a Dentist, a few business owners, and the English speaker runs a restaurant. He suggested we get dimsum tomorrow. Its some type of gathering, much like the honoring of the grandfather, though this is made up of friends: people were their from Germany, Southern California, Canada, and a few other places. The VERY old man at the table is in his nineties. Craziness, though he lives primarily in the states (I think).
Additionally, the English speaker from Canada, asked my “wife” (Sammie, HAHAHHAHA, everyone kept saying that) if they could take him out “for the boys only.” Methinks this is some nasty STD related venture, but it was still funny to be taken in. The uncle said he would get in trouble, we joked about the Auntie being a maneater.
CHUG CHUG! They destroyed me. Check the video when I teach em how to chug..beer EVERYWHERE.
When I then showed them how to poke the hole in the can, I sprayed 1/3 of the can all over the fucking WALL and picture…the OWNER!!! THE OWNER!!! HAHAHAH
Anyway, 20 or so Heineken’s later (I think), some good beef with Hennessy sauce (funny), garlic bread, some AWESOME curry (they make some damn good curry here, the lamb shank was INSANE, too bad we were damn full) and some shitty calc (it was like rubber, but I made myself chew), we were good to go. [Edit, I have no idea what ‘calc’ is after reviewing this..and the curry was from another restaurant, lol]
Some pics (TOOOOOTHPICK EPIC FAIL!!!ASDFASDFSAD)
9: Return from the Countryside, Massage
June 6, 2009
5/17/09 Continued! Ants, towels, Massage disaster..ish
MORE ANTS!
Sadly ambers Japanese rice-crackers, which have lasted this whole time (though diminished from my munching on em) are INFESTED with fucking ants. Sealed with a plastic baggie, and elevated on the TV, I thought they’d be fine..well, NOPE. So that helped me be all pissed as well.
CHEERS FINAL cliff bar! I was pissy that I couldn’t have any food, but I’m always pissy when I’m hungry.
Got a new towel after some confusion (why does he need two? Sammie’s Vietnamese is VERY limited), showered, ate my damn cliff bar and mellowed.
We then had stuffed squid and..something, rice, and a little bit of octopus. I can’t eat that type of food as a staple in my diet, so I was rather hungry. But, I went out, and got a massage..this was funny.
60,000 for an hour, which is 3.3$ without tip.
I don’t speak a lick of English, and I got lost (almost) two days ago trying to find the spot, so this time I got it. White man = skip the line (muahhaha).
Noone here speaks English, so its all a comedy of stupidity.
1) towel boy watches me get nekkid to hand me towels etc, and just like China when I was little, they are a bit “curious” as to your bits.
2) three dudes are showering after there massage, one stall (out of three) is broken, so two are in the same stall. All have back-tattoo’s, shitty ones, so are probably criminals or similar.
We all go “hello” “GOA!” and laughing, there like “WTF A WHITE DUDE?” and its not exactly a touristy-location were in (Section 10 is more local / cheaper). The older guy walks out of his stall, all soaped up and says “Hello” shakes my hand…muahahah.
So I go into the sauna room, most intense sauna EVER in my life…only last about 10 min, its singing everything, but feels VERY good.
Shower, then upstairs in stupid looking boxers with two things, a key to a locker, and a little bag which is for your WALLET, but I thought it was for just the massage currency. Stupid language barrier. I’m then shown upstairs to a waiting cute little Vietnamese in a short skirt, who goes DUMAE! (fuck your mother! Its like saying, SHIT, or FUCK, so I use it frequently at the house to the family members. I’m humongous compared to her, she’s literally half my size, so its funny, very nicely showing me to watch my head etc.
I start on my back, its more of a SLAP SHOP SHAMWOW NUTS type massage, no lotion / oil, some Chinese style YOW YA YANNNG music going on in the background, with her pounding me like so much pork. Hahaha.
For the back she lunges onto a bar above and walks on my back, then while falling, slides her knees, then in a CIRCULAR motion, rubs my whole back / legs with her Knees. That was crazy, and felt pretty good for the knots. She walked on my legs, then cracked all my toes (AHHH MY BROKEN BIG TOE)! Offered to cut the nails, but I’m sure the cost would have been stupid.
Slap-chop, slap-chop rhythmically. Its like a sequence: rub / knead, then slap, chop (I’m saying Chop as in with the flat of her hand, the blade of the palm).
Flipping over, same thing, slap-chop, knead, slap-chop. Lots of focus on the legs and arms actually.
I think she was then trying to explain a happy ending, but ignorance of the Vietnamese language makes for a funny frustration (on her part). So I got a full massage instead, muahhaha, which was my focus, my neck has been a fucking shit show all trip getting used to the mattress on the floor etc.
She worked my back and neck a lot, and the sun burns helped out quit a bit when I showed her to work my base of skull all the way to the trap.
She did a VERY good job, kneading the shit out of it, cracking my whole back / neck (which came out of the blue, but was pleasant), then WHAM! She starts fucking karate chopping my neck! AHHHHHHGGG I feel everything retighten again, HAHAHAH.
Funny as well, she kept pinching my fat on my body: belly, love handles, etc..it was humorous as she’d giggle like a mad woman.
The language barrier is ridiculous, how much can you get across with a thumbs up and thumbs down with me being able to say Fuck Your Mother, and Excellent, and CHEERS!
Still, my neck feels much better today, so maybe having pussy massages isn’t the best thing in the world for me.
Walked back to the house, noting my feet and face still burning up.
I got back, started reading the Teachings of Don Juan: a nice book about an anthropologists experience with a Yacqui (SPL) Indian-shaman / Brujo (witch, if you say Brujeria to a Mexican / paisan it’ll be superstitious and rude / bad to say, so I used to say it in jail) and his tutelage in spirituality, power, and hallucinogenic.
Market
Very quick market trip, as were all pretty beat..but we got some shopping in.
Cab Adventures!
The “story” goes that Bill Clinton ate at this restaurant, hence the “President” themed title
[Google reveals: 1/2 of sources say yea, he did,, half say no..he never had Pho here ]
(my timeline is all screwed up…not sure if this was today…henceforth, updating Windows Live Writer, which I am using now, to update Offline..)
MARKET RIPPAGE
At the market we got RIPPED off, immediately. Just had the young cousin with us, whom, not much better help as far as bartering as the older (I think apathy is the correct term):
Bought some nice touristy stuff, and though everything is about ~1/2 off at its PEAK level, you can still over pay. 2) cotton tee’s, 500 VND, 2 more, 425…4 shirts for ~950.000 VND, AHHH…these chicks are ultra aggressive: just grab your arm “Herro sir, you need shirt? We have your size!” etc, it bothered me and they stopped when I growled at em..cab was 33.000 home, it only took us 15 minutes to drop all of our cash lol
Nightlife was beginning to come together though, so we’ll have to cruise around their later.
I think it was 6pm when I crashed, HAHAHAH, though our nights are definitely early here (late is 10pm, were exhausted, were waking up on average at 6 AM, Sammie most of the mornings at 4 AM), I skipped out on dinner, though I could smell it.
